contemplate.. emo...

the last week was way too gloomy for me not only because of the H1NI scare here in the office but also because of the changes that transpired. another thing that bothered me was the low points that i got for my attendance on the first two quarters. i had a perfect attendance actually but my requests for shift adjustments were all demerited for. i used to think that i owe the company so much since they were so supportive when i was trying to slave myself through school. turned out that i was wrong. no need for utang na loob! also, i was affected by the recent turn of events in my friends' lives. no need to blab bout them since those aren't my stories...all i can say is that i feel sorry for everything that they had to go through...


all these events or changes really took a toll on me. i was even thinking that they were the real reasons why my flu resurfaced. hmmm, guess what actually happened was not a relapse but an episode of psychosomatic disorder! haha.. whatever it is though, i'm glad that they're starting to go to the remote parts of my brain! heheh.. really hope to forget about all the things that happened here in the office and every ache that my friends went through.


i guess i'm still a weakling. i haven't totally erased the the part of me that sees a flawed spot even on the happiest circumstance. i guess i really have to try more to create a better, stronger and more optimistic me..


these days, i've had the strong feeling of dropping everything off and living a carefree and worry-free life...i don't want this job anymore...seems like i'm not growing as an individual and my career's not advancing as well. the only thing that's been pushing me is the 13th month pay in december, hehe...


the last week was really a sullen one. i just wanted to confine myself at home and sulk in one corner but i realized then that that's no good for me...this just a phase, i hope, since i can't afford to quit work anytime soon. there are bills to pay and responsibilities to fulfill...i just hope that our superiors could find it in their hearts to give us leeway and to realize that we are not machines, therefore, we need rests and vacations. i also hope that they'd stop giving us jobs that aren't part of our job description. and lastly, i hope that in every job well done, we are given a pat on the back.


reality really bites. .. i know i've been through this same meandering road before. i hope i could find the way back and be happy once again...


**


buti na lang, i get to listen to some songs these days that really make my day. i love listening to Boys Over Flowers OST.. and also, i got an inspiration.. haha! can't get enough of Lee Min Ho! ;p